deadpan boring

there's sumthing special about writing journals. there always is. it's like talking 2 myself. well, it is talking 2 myself. i've always wondered tho: y do ppl get weird looks 4 talking 2 urself, evn out loud? don't we all do dat? i know i talk 2 myself every day. i tell myself 2 b happy, not 2 break sumthing, b good...so really, who doesn't talk 2 themselves? n y does it matter whether u do it out loud or not? it jst seems like sum weird person made talking 2 ourselves sum sort of weird thing 2 do.
well, guess i missed my internet time last wk. after knowing dat i flunked my tests, i started getting confused as 2 whether i should evn study. last sem i passed everything. dis sem, i studied evn harder n end up wif almost nothing. dat's not really an encouragement 2 study, is it? n since i'm getting a bit sick of studying, i think i jst mite stop.
i saw nikki twice last wk. she looks da same n everything, but frm wat i gathered, her mind seems 2 b a bit of a mess. i hope she's gonna b ok. i got called 2 go 2 work yesterday, n jst got called again 2 pro-long my hours 2day, so evn tho i tld her i'm gonna b at da library 2nd floor most of da wk, she won't find me there.
i still hv da daffodil on my bag. i hvn't da heart 2 take it off, but it's all personal vanity n all - i jst think it looks pretty. two of my grandparents died b4 i was born n another was in hospital until she past away when i was six, n other than dat i've neva known nebody else 2 leave my life, so i guess i'm pretty foreign wif illnesses n all. hell, da star around my neck means more than da daffodil.
i watched Saved! (movie) the other nite, n it got me thinking (haha, what's new?) - jst how often do ppl pray? like really really pray? i mite hv prayed, but according 2 my memory, i hv neva eva prayed. neva. i wish a lot tho. i wish every day, in fact. i wish 2 make my parents happy, 2 make my friends happy, n i wish, most of all, dat every day i've done sumthing dat makes sum1 happy. i don't mean da happy as in jst smiling wen u say thank you 2 ppl. i mean happy in da way ppl feel gratitude wen u help dem, wen u've done sumthing meaningful. hell, i say thank you all da time, because i mean it, but 2 b helped through bad times...u don't need words...u can c it, feel it...
i'm not sure y but i've been smiling da past week at work. i jst smile n laugh wen sum1 says a joke. kirsten n leon n dem all - dey don't say nething, i wondered if dey're secretly annoyed coz i jst smile n laugh at everything, n i don't really respond 2 their jokes. my wits r getting old. evn if i come up wif sumthing good, dey're very very slow.
well, gotta get 2 work...since nothing much's happened, i don't suppose i'll b blogging on on saturday.

- what we think, we create
what we feel, we attract
what we imagine, we become - adele basheer

n if dat sounds familiar 2 u gem, or tazzie doll, if u happen 2 read my blog, it's coz it's on da journal tazzie gave me 4 my birthday 4 yrs ago :P