o wat da hell, it's da holz...

slpt 6:00 dis mornin, woke up around 1:00-ish. can't say i lyk wakin up l8 n feeling lyk crap, bt can't say i h8 it either, coz out hea's jst gloomy all da way. wish my bro culd'v at least drop me off home 1st b4 goin drivin off in2 da sunset (well, sunrise, actually). nw i'm stuck in a dingy lil flat wea dea's dis other building RIGHT NEXT TO IT n blocks all sunlite, n no matter hw much we complained 2 da city council dey done nuffin bout it evn tho it's pretty much against da law coz dat damn building's lyk less dan 2m away. actually, mayb evn 1 m! nw i dun evn no wen it's day tym coz it still luks da same in da flat (ok, fine, u can actually c sunlite, but it's nt gettin in2 da flat so wats da dif??

i'm feelin so lazy. it's rly jst home-sickness, bt i still feel lazy. i wanna c my friends 2. jst rly glad u'r at da other end of cyber-space listenin 2 me nesha =) . c, if i was home, i'd prob run past ur house evry morning at least, if nt jst crash ur place, or ring u up til u'r insane n gt u 2 cum my place. i mean, dea's no other tym i can do things lyk dat wen family's around. nw i'm missing my chance.

on da other hand, i LOVE watchin dvds n all, n knitting. it's nt goin newea, bt hey, at least i feel happy n go thru all my daily emotions wifout actually goin thru da experience! watched My Girl yesterdae n i'm vry gr8ful evry day dat i dun hv 2 go thru wif sumthin so painful. den agen, i'v neva loved either, so i'm missin out on dat, bt i'v got my friends, so who cares???

its so hard hvin 2 write about myself twice. i knw i write a lot more hea on my blog coz it's WAY easier jst typing. writing makes my hand sore n wen i'm fussy bout my handwriting in my journal, dat jst makes it worse. bt my journal i gt my own private space, coz wen i hv my journal wif me, i'm usually all alone, by myself, n i'm nt so worried about hvin sum1 lukin ova my shoulder. n i dun subconsciously think, am i makin sense? i mean, sure, i still write lyk dea's no1 readin dis blog (which nesha has proved untrue =) !!!!!), bt it's jst 1 of those things u jst do wifout evn thinkin.

it's pretty much winter nw n i'm SO happy. it's breezy, bt nt quite cold enuff 4 me 2 hv 2 wear my hoodies n stuff, much as i love dem. it's strange, but i actually wore my hoodies more often in da summer-autumn tym dan da last month, which is more wintry. i'v bn goin out in t-shirts n sumtyms a long sleeves t-shirt n i feel fine. i c wearing these warm woolly jackets n sweaters n things n it actually makes me feel awkward.

lol, i jst realised hw self-centered i'v become agen. dea's nt 1 sentecne in da whole damn thing dat doesn't hv 'i' in it. i used 2 blame it on da fact dat i dun gt 2 go newea or meet ne1 or do enthing, so dea's nuffin else 2 talk about bt me, bt nw? kat n mel's gone ski trip, guess dat's 1 thing i culd say. um...oh rite, family. funny hw i'm willing 2 clean up dat flat 4 my family rather dan jst waste sum money n catch a ride home n enjoy myself, n yet, i neva talk about my family. mayb it's dat whole secretive thing dat's goin on. it's lyk in Mr and Mrs Smith, wen dey r at Coleman's. lyk all these women r talkin bout their husbands n all, n Jane's jst sittin dea thinkin wat da hell is dis n wyl sum1 plz hire an assassin 2 kill dese damn ppl so i can gt out. it's nt so much she doesn't want 2 say sumthin, bt mre dat she has nuffin 2 say coz she doesn't knw, n she doesn't knw 4 a reason.

n i think i'm jst gunna stop my ramblin hea. dis hol's turnin in2 a rather interestin one...

ooh yeah, lets holla coz it's da holz!!!!

wow, i only *jst* realised hw damn depressed i sounded last wk. lol lol lol thanx heaps petal!

well, things aint goin ne beta wif wrk. afta all, sam n i spent almost an hr bitchin bout hw dey treat us lyk crap...treat ME lyk crap hahahahaha... it's almost lyk she's another emma, who was way awesum! sam bright was kewl 2, but she's usually so tired...

speaking of sam bright, it's her birfdae on sat, so if i dun get on da net netym b4 dat, i wuld jst lyk ne1 out dea who've bn accidentally lured hea 2 wish dis damn awesum gal HAPPY BIRTHDAY. y m i goin thru all dis trouble wen she ain't evn dat close a friend is btween me n empty btl of black v in front of me. jst make sure u do wat's sed n no1 gets hurt.

my exam yesterdae...well...i dun think i pass da course, bt it went better than i thort. lyk at least my test script had *something* written on it. i jst hope dat those *something* wyl scrape me thru wif a pass in da course. i needed 60% in dis exam 2 get a pass since i was such an idiot 2 nt hv a calculator in d mid-sem test.

sam clerke sed she mite b rentin out a new flat sum tym in sept. i'm *so* tempted 2 go wif her, bt den wat m i sayin 2 my parents? dat dey dun love me enuff 2 keep me at home? i *know* dat's wat dey'll think. bt at da same tym, i really dun wanna hv 2 always tell dem wen i'll b home n stuff. lyk dea r tyms wen i jst feel lyk studyin at uni til, say, ten, n i can't coz dey'll b wonderin wea da hell i m, n den dey'll think i'm up 2 no gud coz i NEVER study dat hard. bt it's sooooooo tempting...*sigh*

mmm...sum1's got sum yummy fud...

if i dun gt my cell ph in a wk i'm gunna start saving up 4 another one...agen...n u no wat, i think dis tym, i'm gunna keep it round my neck or sumthin so it *can't* fall out of my pocket wen i'm payin da damn taxi driver, no matter hw rushed i am. i knw it's rly my own fault, bt i still blame kirsten 4 it coz usually nw i check my stuff weneva i leave a place, jst 2 make sure i hvn't left nething behind, bt she made it sound so urgent dat nite. hell, she got me 2 take a damn taxi n paid 4 it 2, n it costed 6 tyms more than takin da bus!!!! ok, so she's giving me her old pinkilicious (sp??) ph, bt no offence, it's nt lyk she can do nething wif her old ph n her old ph isn't dat gr8 neway.

in case u can't tell, i miss my ph. nt in da way dat i'm cryin about it or can't slp wifout it. mre lyk da materialistic way dat i spent so much on it n all. it's rly coz dea wasn't nethin personal about my ph. it was, afta all, jst a ph, coz i didn't gt tym 2 personalise it in ne way. da thing i miss about it most is my contact list. dea r ppl's numbers in dea dat i mite neva gt back. lyk sam bright's...

on a happier note, nw dat exams r ova i feel so free!!! i can slp in, 4get about da pressure of studyin n REALLY study... do my own lil researches on things lyk Knights Templar n read up on Wicca n thermodynamics n other lil things i wrote dwn dat r way more interesting bt i can't rememba at da top of my head... i'm *SO* excited!!!!

some things are best left unsaid

well, wat can i say? i can try n still lose, bt dat's prob coz i ain't tryin vry hard. afta all, i'm typin nuffin hea. jst 2 let off sum steam, i suppose.

i'm tired. my eyes r sore. i gotta wrk 2mrw. gotta wrk day afta dat 2. n guess wat. nxt wk i only hv 2 wrk in da wkend. ha! jst wen i dun hv exams dey stop botherin me. hw convenient. n yeah, so wat if kirsten n manz both sed 2 tell dem if i'm unhappy wif nething. do dey give a damn? dey dun evn give a damn about others, let alone me. isn't is so gr8 2 feel appreciated???

lost my cell ph yesterday. i hope sum1 finds it n hands it in. i still can't believe i lost it...hw culd i'v bn so stupid?!?!?! jst wanna strangle myself x.x

*sigh* well, at least afta monday i hv a few days of freedom 2 luk 4ward 2...den shit is gunna hit da fan n i'm nt evn gunna no wat's goin 2 hit me

wow, beer certnly isn't as bad as i thort it was! damn, i manged 2 do 3/4 of dat damn glass tony bought me b4 i had 2 leave it coz we went 2 tanuki 2 get sum fud. it was *SO* funny at first tho coz sam n kirsten kept glancing dwn da table 2 c hw i was takin it n all, prob wondring if im gonna sudnly start actin all crazy n stuff. lol, jst 2 c da luk on their face wen each tym i took a sip...damn it was funny! if only da actual party itself was as gud...da man of hr wasn't evn dea mst of da tym! he was off wif his own mates in a private function, tryin 2 gt sum girl dey sed. lol, n i gt hm 'the graduate' as his farewell present...HAHAHAHA dat's so appropriate bt vry vry tacky!! da most hilarious thing was dat i didn't do it on purpose...i jst culdn't fink of a movie he'd lyk. i hope he doesn't take it da wrong way coz i luv hm 2 bits jst lyk i luv evry1 else 2 bits, evn if he is casanova!

met raelani yesterday. she's a newbie wrking up at les mills, n she's *SO* nice. can't wait 2 wrk wif her agen.

cassie doll's leaving in bout 3 wks. damn...gonna miss her 2. she's so open-minded n way compassionate, n da best damn supervisor eva! evn sam can't compare n i hld sam in high regards!

ohhhhh...im so tempted 2 rite more, bt studyin's more important. damn!